Pregnant or Just Getting Chunky?

I took a pregnancy test last night. Not that I could possibly be pregnant, but it was the only viable explanation for my burgeoning belly. Granted I’ve been training for a 10K, but I’ve also been eating for triplets lately. On Tuesday, my grandma turned 90, so I took her to an all-you-can-eat Japanese food buffet. Please note- buffet is never a good idea. I try to eat my money’s worth or at least the equivalent to my weight - in food. I tried to eat all the foods I don’t typically consume- like spicy lobster balls. Those aren’t a staple food at my house and so I justified eating five, along with two plates of sushi, a plate of desserts, and other things I probably should not have consumed in the same month. That night, my grandma wanted Kentucky Fried Chicken- her other favorite food. Something she remembers that I’ve temporarily forgotten is that the key to an acceptable number on the scale is the same calories in as out. She walks each morning and rides her stationary bike. That’s why she’s 90 and still living independently. My grandma can eat whatever the hell she pleases because she’s smart about it. Me- I eat until I’ve made myself sick and my fingers are so swollen with MSG and sodium the next day that I can barely type.

The next night I had a meeting at a Chinese food restaurant. Again, I thought it a good idea to order things I don’t usually eat. I don’t usually eat them because they are mostly dishes of pork and deep fried, high caloric foods swimming in pools of salt and grease. And this would explain why in a few weeks I’ve developed a muffin top and can’t understand why my pants don’t fit the same way.

I’m not pregnant. I just need to lay off the Oreos and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream. Perhaps when I’m 90 I can splurge a little.

Best Run EVER!!

I had the best run this morning. There was no registration, singlet, time chip, cheering crowds or tiny paper cups of water and Gatorade to slip on. A friend and I shared 7.2 miles of laughs and chit-chat about pregnancy, caloric consumption, biggest let-downs and highest emotional highs, what counts as sex, overambitious colleagues and the distinct smells of the Venice Boardwalk. We were bathroom elitists and jogged with full bladders to Santa Monica to avoid the completely contaminated lavatories of Venice. I took a corner too sharp and sliced my thigh on a branch- the same one that left her with a scar a few weeks ago.

When we got back to her home, she loaded the data from her early-birthday GPS watch to her laptop and we ooh’ed and aah’ed at the charts showing her pace, heart rate and other presumably important information from our run. We agreed to do this again- which will definitely happen on August 31st when we run the 10K Nike+ Human Race in Los Angeles.

I’ve run several marathons, 10K’s and 5K’s, but today was the absolute best run. I didn’t care about the time. It’s the furthest I’ve run since the Honolulu Marathon in December 2007. I just about killed myself in that marathon- literally. I have a scar on my knee and several thousand dollars in ER bills to prove it. Since then, I’ve given up trying to hurt myself for the sake of a faster mile. I’m not going to the Olympics and I’m certainly not going to win any races in my age group, so keeping it all in perspective is easy.

I’m looking forward to the 10K at the end of the month. I’ll run with 3 other friends that I trained with for the Honolulu Marathon. They’ve been running together since then, but I’ve not been part of their group. While in Honolulu, I forgot why I was there and ran with strangers. I’m not making that mistake again. I’ll run with friends and at their pace. Whatever it might be. I could be philosophical and compare it to life, but I’ll leave that up to you.